Monday's suck!

Today was my first day of attempting to act like a lady. It's something stupid I've gotten myself into. The husband and I were watching this show called "Things I hate about you." It's a reality show where two people share things about the other that they can't stand. The husband farted and belched non-stop, and the wife was just an all-around nag. There were three judges to determine which one was the most annoying. The wife was the most annoying in the end. My husband says he agrees with the wife that the belching and farting is annoying. I think it's a healthy act. I only fart and belch in our own home or in front of our bestest friends (a couple). Our best friends have never told me that they hate it when I do this, but the husband says they have to. My farts aren't stanky or anything in their presence. I save the stinkers for home (or at least the ride home - hee hee) We are going to spend the night at this couple's home Friday evening in Richmond. I told the husband that I would practice between now and then at my best lady-like manners. Tonight, I tried really hard, and only let a few slip. The husband noticed progress and even cheered at my attempt to cover up a couple of poots with coughs. I agree that I'm not good at these cover-up coughs, but I guess I'll try. At least we'll be at the fair on Saturday, where I can let them rip left and right without being noticed. While I was growing up, my family believed that if you had something inside of you, you should let it out! There wasn't any need to leave the room or anything. I assumed my family was "normal." Boy, was I wrong! The husband tells me that there's nothing normal about farting or belching, especially when you're a lady. Whatever! He's been putting up with it for almost five years. If it's not "normal," then it's something that one can easily overcome, I guess.

So, I was on the Weight Watchers diet until 7:30 pm tonight. We went to Moe's for burritos. It's really not that unhealthy! It's rice, beans, meat, lettuce, tomatoes, guacamole and cheese. Okay, so it might not have been that good for me, but it was good!

Today is Yom Kippur. You know, I do have a Jewish friend now, so it's time for me to polish up on my Jewish holiday knowledge. He wasn't at work because they have a lot of things to do to observe this holiday, but I looked it up and it's actually a lot of not doing things. No eating, no drinking, no bathing, no lotions or perfumes, no leather shoes and no marital relations. If one has not eaten, bathed or put perfume on, I think the no marital relations part is a no-brainer. Duh! I will find out more tomorrow when he returns to work (at the law firm across the street from the university) He's also a student at the university where I work, so I will get the details from him. Apparently, he spent the day at the temple, so keeping me updated on the holiday happenings via email was out of the question. I will try to get a play-by-play tomorrow and report back. I remember when Charlotte on Sex & The City wanted to become Jewish, but I don't remember what that required or anything. Stacey, do you remember that episode?

My coworkers are weird! I get along with everyone for the most part, but they do not get along with each other! I think my coworker Ms. D and I get along with each person individually, but nobody else really does. It's sort of sad, but it's okay. My new promotion will get me in an office on the other side of the building, and I won't have to deal with them much. I can't wait! I've waited for a while for this opportunity, and I'm really excited that I got it! Back to the weird coworkers...one girl has a bulldog puppy. She wants her dog to get girl dogs pregnant. Here's the catcher - bulldogs only give birth via c-section because their heads are so big, AND they only get pregnant by artificial insemination using a turkey baster. Now, I was just shocked listening to this nonsense. But, I didn't even think about the weirdest part until I was telling the husband the bizarre story. How does the turkey baster get "the stuff?" I can't stop thinking about it, but I'm mildly interested. I'm not going to ask her, because I don't really like getting on the dog subject with her, because she knows EVERYTHING about dogs and, well, everything else. I know I like to pet dogs and play with them, but that's it. I've never gotten a dog pregnant or anything, so I don't know much about that "end" of it, but I do know they don't like for you to take their food away from them, blow in their face, or put bows on their ears. They're a lot like me! I don't like those things either!

So, this season on the Ellen Degeneres show, she's encouraging people to make "life lists" of things they would like to accomplish during their lifetime. I'm starting mine here.
1. Hug a penguin
2. Be a truck driver (very short-term, but my truck driver name will be Cookie Monster, 10-4)
3. Swim with a dolphin
4. Visit every state in the US
5. Finish my MBA
6. Visit Alaska, Greece, Australia and Ireland
7. Live way out in the country with lots of animals (then, the Olive Garden will not be so convenient anymore, and it will be a big deal to dine there once again, Heather)
8. Learn Spanish, then visit Puerto Rico again and act like I don't know Spanish, then tell them what I think (en espanol) when I understand what they're saying about us. If you're visiting Puerto Rico, and someone who grew up there tells you that everyone there speaks English, they're lying. The ones that do speak it, don't want to speak it to gringos like us.

That's all for now. There's more, but I can't think of them right now. I'll think of more later.