The husband is LOST!!!

So, we just got home from our romantic dinner in the mall food court. We also went to purchase my anniversary band at Kay Jewelers. It's very shiny and pretty! Maybe I'll send pictures after I get it. Of course it has to be sized, because nobody normal has chubby fingers, and there's not a "big girl" jewelry store out there. It will take a week to get it back from having it sized, so they make having chubby fingers into a really big deal. Back to the husband's problem - Tivo has "farted" and has completely screwed up his evening of watching that silly Lost show!!! He's so mad that he said it "farted." He has manners dripping out of his ears! He can get pretty mad about things, but it's usually in moderation. I do almost everything in excess! If I'm mad, you can smell it! Also, if I have beans, you can smell it! :) He (in a very calm manner, might I add), called the cable company, and slowly explained the problem, and she said it would be about 20 minutes, and it should be fixed. I looked online, and told him that he could watch the show on the internet. It seemed to pacify him, then he acted like he already knew that and told me that he could also download it on his iPod and watch it at his leisure on his lunch break or something. I thought I was helping him out, and he got all smart-assy, techie nerd on me. Gosh! It made me want to download a big fart right on his head! Speaking of such, my lady-like manners were at an all-time high today. I came close to hitting 100%, but there were a few belches (in private) where I moved my arms to add dramatic effect, and I am fully aware that this behavior is not lady-like. I apologize for belching in such an awesome and spectacular fashion.
He was a real trooper tonight during the jewelry ordeal. I'm not a huge jewelry person myself, and I know that he doesn't like shiny things like I do, but he sat like a big boy while I took care of business. He did hand over his check card when I asked, though! He's a good boy! He also took me in the pet store, where I broke every rule they have. 1. Don't put your fingers in the cages. 2. Do not tap on glass. These are retarded rules! If you don't want my fingers (or entire hand) in the cage, then don't put them in cages. If you had glass boxes, you could eliminate half of the rules! If my too-fat for the stock size anniversary band finger fits through the dang cage, by God, I'm gonna pet that critter inside! Also, if the critter is not looking my way, I'm gonna tap on the glass to get its attention! How do I know if I want to buy it if I can't see its face? Actually, I'm not buying any dogs, but I march in that store each week like I'm going to!
So, he was so well-behaved, I asked him if he wanted a treat on the way home. He said he wanted a Chick-fil-A chocolate shake. I got a small "icedream" because Saturday is "Diet Eve" and I might as well enjoy something semi-yummy. It's actually yum! I was driving so he could read a book on the way to the mall (a whopping 10 minutes away), but he was trying to figure out how to fix my mom and dad's dishwasher from just 1,200 miles away. So, I pulled through the drive-thru, and started ordering, and he so pulled an Aunt Linda and started giggling, then laughing uncontrollably. I could hardly get a word out. When I finally got it out, we pulled around and I asked him what his problem was. He said he didn't hear anyone on the speaker, and he thought I just drove up and started shouting out orders. I can see where a chubby girl ordering ice cream might get a little impatient, but there really was a voice on the speaker prior to me shouting out our order. As they were milking the cow to make the ice cream, I made up an entire song to the tune of "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas" It was titled, "I'm dreaming of an ice cream cone" It was a really nice song. I would share it if I could only remember it!

I need to expand my friend list a little more, so I'm currently searching for the following friends:
* a friend with one or more missing limbs
* a friend that smells like cotton candy
* a pen pal friend in prison
* a pen pal friend not in prison
* a professional carnival worker friend
* a friend that drives a bus
* a friend that is a professional hopscotcher

That's good for now. Only serious inquiries, please!

By the way, the husband is on the phone with Cox Cable for the fourth time this evening. He's still as calm as he can be, but he's pacing a lot now. He's sure those little jerks underneath us have stolen our cable. (some of you may have heard me mention this little dirtbag couple - they're the ones that fight loud, then "make up" loud directly underneath us) Please keep the husband in your prayers tonight!