WE'RE BOTH LOST NOW!!!

The cable is still not working correctly! We have had to laugh at each other this evening. It wasn't that hard, though! It's been a really funny 24 hours!

First of all, in the middle of the night last night, I ruined my lady-like allowance for the day when I sounded my butt alarm loud enough to wake the husband up from a deep sleep. I assumed he thought it was his alarm because he acted like he was getting up. I grabbed his arm and told him it was the wrong alarm and he should go back to sleep. He laughed and told me that was the loudest, longest, most megaphone-like fart he had ever heard. It honestly sounded like a pre-recorded prank poot. I've had a few internal plumbing-type issues here recently, and I'll continue blaming this freakish yet awesome fart on that. Now, I'm having some "girly" problems and I'm running low on "supplies." I mentioned to the husband that I needed to go to the store tonight to replenish my supplies. He said that since I didn't feel good, he would stop by and get all the supplies I needed on his way home from work. I thought that sounded nice, but I was a little hesitant about letting him do it. He's done it before, but it's just so funny! He's just so innocent, and that sanitary napkin aisle can be pretty intimidating! I can picture him reading the packages and scratching his forehead wondering which ones are the right ones. I told him something heavy with wings, and he said, "like a cement angel lawn ornament?" HA HA! I told him that was really funny but wasn't it, and it wasn't me in a Victoria's Secret ad, either. HEE HEE! He's so funny sometimes! So, he gets me what I asked for. I get home and there's a Wal-Mart sack full of pads. I just wanted a few, but he got me enough for a year, because they're not my normal method of leak protection. When I opened them and looked at them, some of them were REALLY long! I mean like long enough to be shoe cushions for his size 12 feet! If I take up volleyball as a hobby, I've got knee pads for the entire team! We got a huge kick out looking at them!. After closer inspection, I noticed they were really wide, too. He said they're for size 14 and up. What? Plus-size pads? Yes! So, yesterday, I was reminded that even my fingers are fat. Today, it's my hoo-ha that's larger than the "average" woman's. And, the fact that my husband examined the entire sanitary product section and thought that these would work well for my situation! It's funny because I would never get those! I would double up or something before I bought Lane Bryant maxis! He said there were a couple of women in the section at the same time as he was, and they were looking at each other like either they wanted to help or they wanted the other one to help him, but I guess if you just buy one of each type/size/shape, then you have covered all of your bases! Hopefully, my problem will end soon, but I'm giving my doctor a holla tomorrow to let him know things are getting out of control. He's a really nice OLD man! I'm a little picky about my hoo-ha and its visitors. I searched online for the best OB in VB. He's it! He has a bunch of kids and a bunch of grandkids, and the kicker - he owns 3 ice cream shops around the city. Hello? Need I say more? I thought that I would ask him for a "twist" after my last checkup, but I wasn't sure if he would understand what I meant, so I didn't say it. I might this time, though! I did watch to make sure he didn't take his tools out of a bucket of water like where he keeps his ice cream scoop. Nope. Clean tools - Check! Old man doctor - Check! The possibility of free ice cream after hoo-ha appointment - Check!
I always call my mom after my appointments, and she always says, "What did he say?" (I don't know what kind of question that is, but I always answer it) Well, it's just a yearly check-up and that particular type of doctor doesn't say much, but I told her he said, "SWEEEEEET!" when he leaned over my goods. She and dad got a good giggle out of it for quite a while! Dad even asked me to tell the story to his sister. He's just so dang proud of me! :)
NOTE: This wasn't even the most entertaining trip I've had to the doctor. One day, I will share my Doogie Howser OB experience with my blog friends.

Lady-like behavior update: 12% today (barely) After letting out the most appalling noise ever overnight, I thought it was an essential story for my work friends today. Since they're 98% ladylike, they weren't nearly as amused as I was! The noise itself counted for -50% of my daily percentage. The giggling and story-telling afterward counted for the rest.
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day for me and my manners!