Can you relate?

I work with this girl that I will call Metoo. If someone has a headache, her response is "me too." If I say that my arm itches, hers does too. If someone has diarrhea, I'll be damned if she doesn't have diarrhea, too!
My bestest friend, Jenn, suggested that I mention my hoo-ha itching, just to see how far Metoo would go. Before her suggestion, I mentioned that I might say that I had herpes, but I like Jenn's suggestion much better!

Free cabbage and beer? How do I RSVP?

The 2nd floor of our building has a realty company that likes to spend their money on food. They have had a few parties and invited us to all of them. They had an Open House in their office today to celebrate St. Patrick's Day and invited the staff and faculty of the university I work for. The invitation said cabbage and beer tasting. I think that was their version of crowd control, and I didn't fall for it. I can handle cabbage, but not on a work day. I'll pass on the beer, too. When we arrived, there were garlic fries (a fave of mine),pita bread and hummus, egg rolls, sandwiches, cheese and crackers, etc. I had pita bread and a cookie. I threw in a string cheese that was about to expire, too (this was my personal contribution to lunch - they didn't have these at their party). So, a couple of hours later, I had gas as if I had consumed a bowl of cabbage the size of an adult Leprechaun.*** I was in the *presence* of cabbage and got cabbage farts? What?

***Disclaimer - I don't know the size difference between an adolescent and adult Leprechaun. I just thought I'd say an adult Leprechaun, just in case.