Funny stories galore!

Monday night:
We got a new patio set and put it out on the deck. I was just so excited to sit out there and have dinner and play on the laptop and sip lemonade and everything. So, I took the laptop out there and got settled in for a couple of hours of fresh air. The husband was finishing the news, but joined me as soon as it was over. He shut the sliding glass door behind him. Let me fill you in on this sliding glass door. When we were looking at the condo, the Realtor told us that is was different than other doors because it was designed to protect against wind and water leak/damage. It was designed a little backwards compared to a “normal” sliding glass door, but it has blah blah features in the event of a hurricane or whatever. Last week, I told the husband that it wasn’t locking as easily as it used to. Well, we’re outside enjoying the weather when he decides to go in for something. He couldn’t open the door. He pushed/pulled/shoved, etc. but it wasn’t going to budge. I got tickled, because that’s my reaction to almost everything. He glared at me like “you better cut that out – I’ve had a rough day.” So, I tried to control myself, but started giggling even louder. He even chuckled a little after I got out of control. I might have wet myself just a little. He had his keys and phone, and I had the laptop. The weather was perfect, so I was pretty content. I knew that we would get in somehow. Well, our neighbors that share a deck with us (there’s an 8-foot privacy wall in between us) were in and out all night. I told the husband that we could ask them to either let him climb over and go downstairs and in our door to let me back in. Or, we could throw them his keys, and they could go in and let us out (in). The only problem with that is I baked cookies for them a few weeks ago, and the husband acted like he thought that was weird. I was trying to be Martha Stewart, but I’m not sure if they took it that way OR if they thought I was a crazy lady. Then, last week, I invited them over to watch American Idol with us and the guys across the street (the gaybors). The husband thanked me, but said his wife just got home and they hadn’t eaten dinner yet. He said that we’d have to get together for dinner one night. (yeah, right) If I wasn’t CRAZY, maybe we would, but I don’t think we will. So, I had come to the conclusion that we probably wouldn’t have the kind of relationship with them where we give them a spare key so they can borrow a cup of sugar or an egg while we’re at work. That’s just a hunch, though. So, back to our situation where we’re stranded on our deck. We both sort of figure that if we ask them for help, that we’re desperate for friends or attention or something. I don’t know, but I didn’t really want to ask them. Next, I decided to make a “HELP!” sign on the computer. Then, I could hold the laptop up so everyone could see it and someone would rescue us. The husband's big idea was to call and order pizza, and make the delivery person unlock the front door and come let us out. That plan would completely blow the Weight Watchers diet for the week, for sure! Steve kept looking over the edge. He told me that he was going to jump. I told him that unless he wanted to spend yet another day in the emergency room, that wasn’t really a good idea. Now that I think about it, I’m not so sure if he was going to jump to rescue me or to get away from me. HEE HEE! During the final moments of our predicament, the husband said that he was going to jump…head first. It had been almost two hours, and it was getting dark. Then, the neighbor (one of the gaybors) went outside to walk his dog. The husband asked him if he could help us. He’s really nice! So, he came to the rescue. After we went inside, we decided that it was the perfect time to use our 35 bonus WW points, so we went to Coldstone and splurged. It was an interesting evening for us, to say the least!

Tuesday:
We had a lecture at school Tuesday evening. We always provide refreshments, and when it's a certain person's turn to take care of the catering, she always chooses to have fried chicken as part of the refreshments. I don't understand how fruit and cheese trays are overlooked in order to serve chicken. Fried chicken. So, this student gets there late and helps herself to some chicken. My coworker told her that he would heat it up in the microwave if she wanted. She laid the back of her hand on the edge of the chicken part, then picked up her hand and placed it on the other edge of the chicken. It wasn't a quick gesture. It was very awkward to watch her check her chicken's temperature as if it wasn't feeling well. I guess you might have had to be there, but it was really hilarious.

Wednesday:
Gaybors in good graces again.
The gaybors came over Wednesday night for American Idol results night. They brought brownies, and we had points to spare. Yum! The husband is a normal guy and is a little bit of a homophobe. But, he was willing to hang out with them for me, because he knows how hurt I was when they stood us up last week. Well, he totally liked them! We talked about all of the weirdos in the nieghborhood and talked about Idol and who we thought would win and just a little bit of everything. We laughed all evening. They are a lot of fun, and the husband realized why I wanted them as friends.

Jackson's diet update:
Jackson's doctor mentioned he could lose a pound or two. Literally - no more than 2 lbs. So, we got him a smaller bowl and have noticed he's been eating less. Then, he threw up twice yesterday. The husband thinks he's bulemic because the doctor mentioned those extra pounds. He definitely didn't get that from me! I do not believe in puking for any reason, and I never have! Please remember Jackson and his eating disorder in your prayers.

Thursday:
It was Weight Watchers night. I lost almost 3 lbs. I'm up to 6.6 lbs in 2 weeks! That's good enough for me! I didn't write down all of my points this week, but I know that I didn't ever go over. I also didn't drink as much water as I should have. The husband is -8.6 lbs in 2 weeks! We had date night at Applebee's after the meeting. Our server was really tan. Like tanorexic. Well, he said something about us both ordering from the WW menu. He said that he weighed 262 lbs. We didn't ask. He was short, husky, and tan. I told the husband that I would call him "Beefcake" and we both got really tickled each time he came near us. When we ordered, he told us our food would be ready in 15 minutes. Then, he stopped back by and told us the ETA was about 7 minutes. That Beefcake was just really strange. Yet another story that you might have needed to witness to appreciate.

I got some of those blocks from Bed, Bath & Beyond to raise a bed. Why shouldn't we have them and shove more stuff under our bed? Duh! It's a no-brainer to me. We could even store our bikes or Christmas tree under there now! As I was assisting him, (he had no desire to participate in this little chore) I sang my interpretation of Josh Groban's "You Raise Me Up" and the husband got a little annoyed. Eventually, he just let me sing and we got the bed raised. He's such a good little helper!