And the pretend award goes to....okay, let me open the envelope...ME!

Today's blog is going to be about giving thanks. It's that time of year, so I'm going to celebrate early! Just for fun, I'm pretending to receive an award, and here's the speech I've prepared and tucked in between my girls (yes - along with the dryer sheet)...

First of all, I'd like to thank Stacey and Diva for keeping me going on this blog adventure. If it weren't for their comments, I would have quit blogging immediately after starting! I can't tell if other people are reading it or not, but I at least know they are because they always leave comments!
(SUBLIMINAL ADVERTISEMENT FOR COMMENTS. NOBODY WILL EVER NOTICE)

Jennifer, you're my bestest friend, and you have given me a lot of blog material to write about. When the goin gets tough, I'm going to have to blog about plinko dinko. Don't tell Danimal, though! :)

The girls at Lovely Nails (pronounced Ruvery Nails) for keeping my toes at their most beautifulness this summer! Even though you speak poor English, I still appreciate you.

Those people that sit around and write up those ridiculous email forwards that I read, then get mad about or worry about. Yesterday, I received one about not shopping at Wal Mart the day after Thanksgiving because a portion of their profits will be going towards a group that's trying to legalize same-sex marriage. It caused an uproar with my mother-in-law, because she forwarded it to a bunch of people, not realizing that one of those people is a supporter of the lesbian population, and the lesbian spokeswoman (who's married to my M-I-L's brother, by the way) emailed her back (actually "Replied All") and said some nasty things to my M-I-L (who could not hurt anyone's feelings if she tried - just like my husband/her son). So, yesterday, I was informed not to shop there, but today, I received an email saying that Wal Mart was going to do away with lawaway, so I should sign a petition to keep layaway. I've never used layaway, but I hate to see it go away-away. Hmmmm....
So, thank you idiot that had to get the senior citizens of the Midwest in such a pickle right before the holiday season! Way to go!

Thank you, Photo Funhouse! You allow me to create the most ridiculous images using my own photos! I've also put the husband's picture on a wanted poster, a milk carton, a cowboy's body, a baby's body, a surfer's body, an astronaut's body, etc. Here's my most prized creation:

Okay, so Blogger wants to be a big fat piece of shit today, so I cannot post this picture. Screw you, Blogger! I'm not thankful for you! I will post it later.

Gosh! Right in the middle of my big speech, someone has to screw everything up. I'm so flustered right now I can hardly blog.

Real fast -
Thank you Justin Timberlake for bringing Sexy Back. Thank you K Mart for your fine selection of Craftsman tools - it buys me a lot of time to look at all of Martha Stewart's goodies throughout the store while the husband stays occupied. Thank you autumn for bringing more hot, sweaty-ass weather in November. I can't thank the Pilgrims enough, but thank you Pilgrims for bringing Pumpkin Pie to our country. And, thank you Cool Whip for whipping up something so COOL! Thank you penguin parents for having penguin babies for me to dream about hugging. (The commercial break music starts, so I must talk faster) Thank you to The Cheesecake Factory for everything, Coldstone Creamery, New Balance sneakers, my Kirby vacuum for being so good at sucking up cat hair, thank you Tivo for always being there with my tv when I wasn't, thank you drunk driver that hit me and didn't kill me and for making me realizing that drunks are big fat idiots, (except for Keith Urban - I'll take his drunk ass home with me any night!) Thank you city of Virginia Beach for scaring the crap out of each and every child in this city prior to Halloween, and encouraging their parents to take them to local churches and malls to trick-or-treat. I had a crapload of razor and poison-free candy that had to be eaten by the husband and myself so it didn't go to waste. Thanks again! Thank you Virginia Beach (this is not a sarcastic one) for turning a pile of crap (trash, to be exact) into a beautiful park! Mt. Trashmore is just a gorgeous park that used to be a pile of trash, but not it has grass and a lake and trees and picnic tables and playgrounds and stuff. Awesome! Thank you to my "alternative lifestyle" friend for inviting me to be a part of your recipe chain letter. Yippee! Just what I wanted. A freaking chain letter!

Thank you all for listening to me accept my award for nothing. I started out with good intentions, but, just like I would have expected, it turned into sarcasm by the end. Oh, well.
Stay tuned for that picture...