Yep, I know...that's what I get!

I rushed home tonight to claim my spot at the front door because I appreciate small children in costumes so much more than the husband does. I called numerous times throughout the evening to check on the "count." "None" he said - each time I called. So, I assumed that we'd have a rush when I got home. I stopped and got us takeout because I wouldn't have time to cook since I'd be at the front door passing out all of those little bags filled with stickers, trinkets and candy that I spent hours preparing last night. When I pulled down our street, I had hope. There was a little girl dressed like Diana Ross (or something eerily similar). Even if it was a rather odd costume, I was not passing judgment! Not at this point in the game. It was 6:45, and the holiday officially ended at 8:30 in our city. I had an entire Halloween tub filled with treats for children just like her. I knew she was going to come to our door! I just knew it! Then, she'd call her friends and tell them that this nice lady down (insert my street name) had the best candy in the city, and she went to the trouble of making these cool baggies for everyone, and she would encourage them to visit my house - quickly, because treats that cool won't last long. I really thought that I would be the neighborhood "nice lady" that all of the kids loved. The Martha Stewart of Virginia Beach.

6:45 - I pull in our driveway with dinner in tow. (Plus, an awesome piece of Pumpkin Cheesecake from California Pizza Kitchen. It was incredible! A special shout-out thanks to the Jew for that!)

6:52 - I have inhaled my fish sandwich, and I'm ready to run downstairs to my post. I need to be near the front door when the doorbell rings!

6:53 - I open the front door. The doorbell didn't ring or anything, but what if there's a child standing out there because they can't reach the doorbell? Nope. Nobody there.

6:54 - I step out the front door to make sure I'm at the right house. Yep, I was.

6:55 - I approach the "alternative lifestyle" neighbors. One of them is out on the deck with his fag hag. (ya know, that girl that is like a magnet to gay men because she thinks having a gay friend is the best thing since Wet N Wild makeup - Grace has Will & Karen has Jack. Gay men are like real estate! I'm not looking into any property at this time, so I'm not wanting to be anyone's hag, and no, I'm not one bit jealous of this woman or anyone who has their own property. She can have the entire neighborhood of gays - and the population in our neighborhood is MUCH higher than the national average!) Back to my timeline. I ask them if they have had any T-O-Ters. He said just one, right before I got home. I know that was little Diana Ross. I told him that I had LOTS of candy (deep down, I knew that my candy was probably better than his, too). I told him that I would send any I got his way, and for him to do the same.

6:58 - I head back to my front door, looking both ways OVER and OVER for the random child who is in need of candy - lots of it! Nope. None to be found. I even looked for Diana Ross's big hair. Unfortunately, Diana and her hair had left our neighborhood.

7:00 - Return to the living room where the husband was still enjoying his dinner and watching Little House on the Prairie (without me).

7:01 - I go out on the deck so I can see for miles away. I might be able to stir up some business if I can project my voice and the fact that I have LOTS of YUMMY CANDY for FREE. Those words should really get people's attention. I didn't even try, because my neighborhood looked and sounded as if there had been a mandatory hurricane evacuation hours ago, and nobody told me and my neighbor about it.

7:02 - Complain to the husband that I might need to take my candy tub out on the street and hand it out myself. I even thought about going door-to-door and handing it out in a reverse fashion.

7:03 - Peek in my leftover candy sack (the remaining candy that I had left after preparing 50+ goodie bags)

7:04 - I open a damn skull pop sucker and begin pouting and eating the stupid sucker.

7:05 - I ask the husband (who's doing homework now) if he will go around the neighborhood with me and our candy tub.

7:06 - Husband is getting tired of me and my passion to get rid of the candy. He mentioned last night that he really liked the skull pops, and oddly enough, everything else we had bought. Hmmm....

7:10 - I hear something outside, so I run to the window to look out.

7:11 - I realize it's just the neighbor and his hag laughing on the deck.

These events at 7:10 and 7:11 continue throughout the evening.

8:15 - Not one kid - big or small - has tricked and/or treated me yet.

8:30 - Notice the neighbor has turned his lights out.

10:22 - I waive my white flag and turn my light off, too.

So, I made up a lot of silly Halloween rules yesterday. Today, I'm willing to give all of our candy to anyone of any age, height, etc. I will not discriminate...I promise!

Maybe next year will be better! If not, I'm moving!