Random Silliness

* I don't like totem poles at all. They sort of scare me.

* I have too many houseplants, but I still buy more.

* I am a spellaholic. I can't stop spelling. It's a genetic disorder I got from my mother. I wish I could stop spelling, but I can't. If I pull up to a stop sign, my brain is saying S-T-O-P. Stop. My life is a spelling bee and I'm the only contestant. It's slightly bothersome.

* I feel "normal" when I wear high heels. I'm now immune to the pain they may cause my doggies, but I can't stop wearing them. H-I-G-H H-E-E-L-S. High heels. Must wear them.

* I get an upset stomach when I fly. I'm not immune to the yucky feeling of being in the air with a bunch of germy strangers. At least I have my high heels on when I fly! They make me feel better. (The husband's company has a dress code when flying, so we must dress up when we fly anywhere. It sucks!)

* I giggle at the wrong moment sometimes and can't help it. The husband and I went to a group hypnotist once, and we kept opening our eyes and peeking at the other and giggling. It was a weight loss/stop smoking thing. I was fat and he was a smoker. We left there that night fat and smoky. I'm still fat, but he stopped smoking the night before our wedding, because he remembered me saying when were dating that I would never marry a smoker. Of course, I would get over that because he's precious, but he quit for me. It will be five years this Sunday!

* I will buy the biggest laundry detergent bottle for the rest of my life. I don't care if they have an ultra or a mega-ultra version. I think they're full of crap! Why are they adding a bunch of water or whatever to make it look like more than it is? Why didn't they make ultra to begin with, so we didn't have to lug around big bottles of detergent for all these years? I'm going to show them! I'm going to keep buying the big-ass bottles of the diluted version.

* I like to keep a dryer sheet in between my cleavage. ??? It smells good, and each time I get a whiff of it, it makes me happy. I like nice smells, and perfume is for other people. After you put it on, you can't smell it yourself. A dryer sheet in the cleavage - not that's a gift you can give yourself. DISCLAIMER: Avoid this in extreme humidity and on rainy days!!! The girls WILL stick together!

* I'm very resourceful. The other day, I was out of town for work. I packed a shirt that was low-cut, and I always wear a black tank top under it. I forgot to pack the tank top. I did have an extra black sock (don't know why, but I was glad I did), so I stuffed it in my bra to sort of stretch across my cleavage, and you would have never guessed it was a damn sock! I was so proud of it!

* I have a 5-year supply of plus-sized maxi pads thanks to my husband being such a good sport!

* I'm going to Disneyworld for the first time at age 26 in two days!!!

* My face turns red when I see male dancers. I went to the Chippendale show once, and my face was bright red the entire evening! I was at a club one night, and some chick was celebrating her 21st birthday, and her friends had hired a stripper for her. My face was so much brighter than hers! I can't help it!

* I prefer breakfast for any meal! We often have breakfast for dinner!

* I really like old people!

* I eat fish at least twice a week.

* My husband gets a kick out of stupid, offensive cartoons. I let him watch them, because he quietly sits through America's Next Top Model for me. I cringe when he laughs at a cartoon where bears are being stabbed through the chest with candy canes. I have a vivid imagination, but this is freaking insane!

* I hate loud things. Everything must be at a reasonable volume for me to be comfortable.

* I bought an "Easy Button" through my company's Staples account. Thanks super-wealthy, private, for-profit university - you're the best! It's the funniest/most annoying thing ever! You push it, and this irritating voice says, "NOW THAT WAS EASY!" I let everyone push it, and I often push it after a simple task is finished. I overheard one of my coworkers say to another, "...if she pushes that stupid thing one more time..." I missed the rest of the comment. Oh, well. I guess I'll have to wait and see what she's planning on doing. But, when I offered the button to her to push, she accepted the invitation and pushed it - and smiled. I might start locking it in my drawer - just in case her intentions are not in the best interest of me and my easy button!

* I belch and fart constantly!

* I'm often full of shit! Not literally. Well, okay - literally, too. But, we have a couple of new coworkers, and I convinced one of them that we have belching contests after we eat pizza. Another coworker went along with it and told the new guy not to even bother because I always won. We had him going, and he even showed up at the secluded location to participate. I liked his team spirit!

* My boss treats me like a child sometimes. Today, we were at lunch, and he mentioned that he couldn't take me anywhere (but he was laughing at the time, so I assume it will have very little, if any, effect on my annual review). He was the dumbass that wanted to go to Johnny Rockets for lunch. I laughed uncontrollably when he told me that's where he wanted to go. I had a feeling he didn't know what was in store! The servers do stupid little dances there and they're less than enthusiastic about it, which makes it highly amusing! When the husband and I were there, they did a dance to "Stayin Alive" and we could hardly eat we were so cracked up. He said he wasn't aware of the dancing during the meal, but still wanted to go. He didn't believe me that they actually danced in front of everyone. After the meal, I decided to ask our waitress if they were going to dance. She said they did each time their songs come on. I put four nickels in the jukebox, but none of the songs I picked were "their songs" I said I wasn't leaving until they danced. Eventually, he made me get up to go back to work, but I was pissed. They never did dance. I needed to prove to him that they did dance, and they dance in the most horrific manner possible! It's unbelievable! I might dance better than them....nah, but I would also not accept a job where I had to dance in front of paying customers!