Carrie's Gay Weekend 2007, Threesome, etc.

I have amazed myself this weekend! Honestly!
Aunt Linda - I have a feeling this will leave you speechless.

Friday: I went to the doctor to find out I have tonsillitis just in time for a 3-day weekend. I would have bet money that it was strep throat, because I was feeling that icky.

Saturday: I hung out with the gaybors and helped them clean up their condo before they move. (They're moving back to NY next week) Okay...so we got tired of working after approximately 20 minutes, so I go across the street to our house and fill a bin with everything alcoholic that we own. I walk it across the street and we play bartender with all of our goods. At that time, their condo contained: 1 television on a tv tray, some alcohol and a few floor pillows. We watched Madonna's tour on DVD and drank awful mixed drinks. It felt like college all over again, except for the fact that now I'm old enough to actually purchase the liquor myself. The man-wife broke his foot last week, so he washed his pain pills down with some of our drink concoctions. Man-wife got hungry for Indian food, so we drive (safely) to the nice Indian buffet...in our pajamas. We got strange looks, but we didn't really care, because it's Saturday and we just did a few minutes of housework and drank tequila and vodka before noon. The food was good, but it didn't agree with the man-husband's stomach, so he visits the Indian bathroom while man-wife and I got really tickled at our table. It was one of those moments when I just can't contain my laughter (this often happens at the WORST possible times like at church or in an airplane or anywhere else slightly quiet) After lunch, we go to our respective homes and take naps, but not before I mention to them that they could use our mattress for the next few days, since theirs is already packed away. Yeah, gay love is probably being made on our mattress across the street right now. Steve and the man-husband carried our mattress across the street for them to enjoy for the next few days. They were really happy with it. I will not ask questions about the nature of our mattress in their home. Well, I did crack one little joke about it when the husband was not present.

Saturday afternoon: Best friend calls to tell me she will be arriving Saturday night to take full advantage of the beach early on Sunday. I bust out laughing because she has no choice but to sleep in the bed with me and the husband, since the gaybors are using (and probably abusing) our guest bed. HEE HEE! Yeah, we have a couch, but she's allergic to cats and Jackson sits on the couch. I'm no mathematician, but 3 people + 1 king bed = lots of giggles, but a good night's sleep. I'm sure my husband bragged about having two women in his bed at work the next day. Bless his heart! I must say that I have the best husband and best friend in the world! I can't think of many husbands or friends that would tolerate me and my shenanigans, but they sure do!

Sunday: Jenn and I go to the beach pretty early in the morning. We parked in the front row and got prime spots in the sand. We spent a few good hours just looking at magazines and the old man buns on the beach. Our little spot by the jetty had a surfing competition going on, so we had plenty of entertainment. It was 90 degrees, and I didn't last as long as I wanted to. But, Jenn and I both vowed to use sunscreen this summer, and we didn't burn, so it was a successful first trip to the beach!

Monday: The gaybors arrived at 3pm for our cookout/American Idol finale viewing (again)/board game marathon/neighborhood gossip fest. They left about midnight, after 9 (yes, nine) hours of constant laughing, singing and even some dancing. Even the husband had a lot of fun! We played Cranium until we almost wet ourselves. That game is a must for anyone with a sense of humor! Overall, it was a very memorable Memorial Day!

Just when you thought I couldn't be more crude, I surprise the *crap* out of you!

I realize I have dropped the ball...again.

I don't even know if I can remember what's been going on. Here's a start:

My classes are crazy! We're wrapping things up in our current classes, and I have taken on the additional responsibility of helping a friend of mine get through Statistics class. I got through it last semester with an A, so he has recruited me for help after he dropped down to a D-. After two weeks, he almost has a B, so that's good news.

Work is busy! I had one student return from the Middle East this week on the USS Eisenhower, and one Navy Seal, a soldier and two sailors leaving next week. It's really sad to see them go, but they say it's their job and that's what they do. It's very touching how they accept the responsibility.

We missed Weight Watchers tonight (the first week I've missed) because I had to work late. I might go by there tomorrow just to weigh in.

I have a cold or sinus infection or something like that right now. It just snuck up on me and I look and feel pretty crappy. It's much better than my issues over the weekend! Those with weak stomachs or those who appreciate funny but gross stories, but are not in a setting that allows you to laugh out loud, please do not read the next paragraph!

So, the husband and I decided to go out on a date last Saturday night. I wore a sun dress and sandals and felt pretty darn cute. We went to a restaurant on the bay, and sat on the dock and had fresh fish and it was awesome. I felt just fine this whole time. We finish there and head to DQ on the oceanfront. We got some ice cream (using our 35 bonus points) while we sat at a picnic table. The husband had to use the restroom before we moved on to the next stop on our date - the grocery store. Well, I had let a little toot while he was in the restroom. Then, when he returned, I let one more little one. It just didn't feel right. So, I told him that I would be right back. I had to stop by the restroom before we left, just to make sure I still had clean panties. Well, I didn't. I totally sharted***. Not just once, but obviously twice. It wasn't as bad as it sounds, but it's still a shart. Because it wasn't that bad, I agreed to go on to the grocery store. When we got home, I was just fine. It was just a freak shart virus or something. Thank goodness I wasn't wearing my personalized panties! The morals of the story are:
1) Dresses are bad. Don't wear one if you don't have to. 2) Wear underwear! Think about what a nasty story I would have had if I didn't wear underwear that night. Eeewwww!

***A combination $hit/fart. It starts out as a fart, but it quickly turns into a solid/liquid before you can say "Oops! I crapped my pants!"

Yep - I think that I have crossed some sort of line with this post, but it's really too funny not to share! What's funny about sharting if everyone can't enjoy it with you?

He computers and he has rodents

As I talked to my Grandpa this morning, he was updating me on his progress as he learns to navigate the internet and such. I told him to call us if he ever got stuck or had a question. He said that he would just call Dottie (his brother's wife) because "she computers." HEE HEE! As the conversation continued, he told me that my Aunt Linda told him he needed a mouse pad. He said that he didn't realize he had mice, let alone them needing "a pad." I told him that I'd get his rodent the pad it needed. I should send him one of the GIGANTIC Kotex that the husband stocked my cabinet with last year. That would be a hoot when he opened it! Bless his heart! He's doing his best to occupy his time since he recently put his wife in the nursing home (she has Alzheimer's). I would love to be a fly on the wall and watch him computering!