My Year of a Million Dreams!

So, Disney has their "Year of a Million Dreams." Well, this is my year of a million dreams! March is just beginning, and I've already had an awesome year! Last week, I got to see George Strait (as if a last name was required). George was in Richmond, and it was so worth the two hour drive with Steve's coworker and friend in the backseat. And, yes, we did have fried chicken in the parking garage. It was not as bad as I expected. I did participate in the fried chicken feast. My hands got greasy, and I did not die. I know - I'm as shocked as anyone! I still don't like fried chicken. I never will. We also had potato salad and rice pudding. How redneck of us, huh? So, we returned to our dwelling early Friday morning following the concert. George seemed tired, so I didn't stick around for him to touch my "no-no" spot. Maybe next time...if there is one. He's one of my favorite people in the entire world, and he's the type of person that I would invite over for biscuits and gravy.

Friday was spend recovering from Thursday night. I didn't drink because I was the driver, and I don't usually consume beer in small or large amounts. Since beer is the beverage of choice at most concerts, I make a great designated driver. We did do a little shopping on Friday to make sure we had the perfect outfits to wear to the PBR on Saturday night. I had a feeling that I would get to see some hunks in Wrangler jeans, so I had to make sure the husband and I looked our best. I got a black shirt and some turquoise jewelry. The husband got a plaid Chaps shirt, which was quite perfect for the occasion. We packed and got things together for our departure to Baltimore early Saturday morning. Baltimore is about four hours away, so we left about 8am and arrived about noon. Chris (my best pal's husband) drove us the entire way. We made a few stops so I could pee. I don't know why, but I had to go a lot that day! At one point, we stopped at a McDonald's just south of DC to use the restroom. After we were all finished, I met everyone near the counter. The husband was ordering a yogurt parfait. Chris, Laura & I were just standing there waiting for him. Some local man (he was "urban") asked Chris if we were from the area. He replied that we weren't locals, and we were just passing through or something. Then, the man proceeded to tell us that there were some good buffets just a couple of exits up the road. Not once did any of us mention a buffet. So, apparently, we look like buffet people that appreciate food in large quantities. Laura and I were both appalled, but still found much humor in the situation! We laughed all the way up there, even though we were a little tired. We got to Baltimore and met up with Laura's cousin and her husband for lunch. I was really excited to meet them! I had seen him on tv many times, and I had heard a lot about her from Laura, so I was glad to finally meet them! It's sort of strange that I knew who he was before I even met Laura. Anywho, he works for the PBR and hooked us up with some amazing tickets and plenty of opportunities for me to meet my favorite bull riders. I got to meet Chris Shivers, J.W. Hart, Adriano Moraes and Brendon Clark. Yeah, it was awesome! We got to go to a Jack Daniels party before the event and partake in some excessive Jack consumption, which allowed us to giggle even more than usual. When we started walking to our seats, we realized we were in the FRONT freaking row. Yeah, our seats were so good, we almost got dirty! And, after the event is over, all the bull riders walk around the fence and sign autographs and pose for pictures and stuff. We got some good ones, even though we were laughing a little too much for most people to hang around us too long. Laura even asked one of them if her cousin (who she mentioned by name, but I won't) had ever helped him (he's a doctor for the bull riders). He just looked at her like she was crazy, then moved on down the line. The husbands and I just died laughing, and we could hardly be serious enough to take pictures after that. I will post some of them later. After everything was over, we went to the hotel bar for some grub, even more beverages, and crazy picture taking with bull riders and such. That's where we got to see Chris Shivers and J.W. Hart. We got a few pictures taken with them, and they were so nice and cooperative. Two pictures didn't turn out, so we had to go back for a third, which worked out just fine. Later, we tried to give them some of our chicken wings, but they didn't want them. They were our leftovers, so I'm sure few people would actually accept them as a token of our appreciation. We had lots of fun, and headed to our rooms sometime between the hours of midnight and 1am. We don't remember much, really. So, at this point, I had met everyone I wanted to meet except for Brendon Clark, who is such a little hunk. I was okay with that, though. I could have lived my life without meeting him, BUT the next morning, there he was at the restaurant for breakfast. I wasn't going to interrupt him while he was eating. Laura's cousin and her husband kept saying that I WAS going to meet him before I left. He came over to our table and talked to them for a while, but I didn't actually get to meet him. Then, we were getting ready to leave and Laura's cousin was talking to him in the lobby, and we got to meet him and Laura and I even got our picture taken with him with her camera phone. He was adorable and he smelled good and he was nice, contrary to what I had heard. But, we interacted for a total of approximately 47 seconds. Everyone can be on their best behavior for 47 seconds. Honestly, I only need 8 seconds with him.

Sunday morning, we laughed when we weren't sleeping during the drive back to VB. We played the alphabet game, which is a favorite when the four of us are in a car together. If you have never played, it goes a little something like this...
Person 1: A is for alligator
Person 2: A is for alligator, B is for bobblehead
Person 3: A is for alligator, B is for bobblehead, C is for critter
Person 4: A is for alligator, B is for bobblehead, C is for critter, D is for doughboy
Etc, etc.
So, by the time you get to Z, you have to recite all 25 prior letters and words. I must admit, we came up with some doozies this trip!

When I arrived home and checked the mail, I had a brochure from Busch Gardens about getting our season passes for this year AND some special events that are coming to the park this year. The brochure said, "Ever wanted to get up close and personal with a penguin?" As I read it, I was saying, "Uhhh...yeah!" Then, I read on and it said that I could meet Jack Hanna. Live. In person. Yep. Jack freaking Hanna! And, you can purchase tickets to eat breakfast with him. Anyone who knows me is fully aware of my love for penguins and my extreme crush on Jack Hanna. Yeah, guess who has tickets? ME! I bought two tickets. If my best friend, Jenn, isn't too knocked up and miserable when it all goes down, she's going to go with me. If she can't go, then the husband is going to try to get off work to go with me. I called my best pal, Laura, to see if she would go with me if Jenn and Steve couldn't. She said that even though she was honored to be my third option, she didn't know if she was going to get a season pass this year, so she would actually have to pay to get into the park. I don't care who goes with me, but I'm going to meet Jack Hanna! And, I'm going to wear a diaper because I just might shit my pants!

My year of a million dreams is starting out quite well, don't you think?

I'm alive.

We leave on our cruise to Bermuda tomorrow, and I can't sleep and I have homework and I still have a little packing to do. So....short and sweet, but a *new* post nonetheless.

I have so many things to share!

Here's a preview of funny stories:

1. The old and new lifeguards at our pool. Let's just say that the Desperate Housewives will not be jealous of us for any reason.

2. Me joining the gym. If me at a gym isn't funny enough...
I was walking on the treadmill the other night and watching Wheel of Fortune at the same time. I had my headphones on and in my own "Wheel Zone" and not paying attention to anyone around me. Well, I knew the puzzle, and growing up, you had to say it fast or my mother would get it. I hardly ever got a puzzle with her around, but I have gotten much quicker about responding. So...there I go. I blurted out "Old Maid and Go Fish" as if I were sitting in my living room or something. The lady next to me looked at me, but it took me a second to even realize what had just happened. HEE HEE! Some people wear headphones, but there's a lot that don't. Those who don't will probably not want to work out next to me now. I'm probably the "crazy" lady.

3. My husband determining his "friends" the myspace way.

4. Our new friends Laura and Chris and the funny events that we have encountered together.

5. Local dog-fighting professional football players are big ass holes. I just had to add that in while I'm watching Nancy Grace talk (yell) about it.

I will post a post-cruise blog next weekend after we get home. There *may* be pictures. Don't hold your breath, though!

Jennifer & Laura - please help me remember any other funny stories I might have forgotten.

Carrie's Gay Weekend 2007, Threesome, etc.

I have amazed myself this weekend! Honestly!
Aunt Linda - I have a feeling this will leave you speechless.

Friday: I went to the doctor to find out I have tonsillitis just in time for a 3-day weekend. I would have bet money that it was strep throat, because I was feeling that icky.

Saturday: I hung out with the gaybors and helped them clean up their condo before they move. (They're moving back to NY next week) Okay...so we got tired of working after approximately 20 minutes, so I go across the street to our house and fill a bin with everything alcoholic that we own. I walk it across the street and we play bartender with all of our goods. At that time, their condo contained: 1 television on a tv tray, some alcohol and a few floor pillows. We watched Madonna's tour on DVD and drank awful mixed drinks. It felt like college all over again, except for the fact that now I'm old enough to actually purchase the liquor myself. The man-wife broke his foot last week, so he washed his pain pills down with some of our drink concoctions. Man-wife got hungry for Indian food, so we drive (safely) to the nice Indian buffet...in our pajamas. We got strange looks, but we didn't really care, because it's Saturday and we just did a few minutes of housework and drank tequila and vodka before noon. The food was good, but it didn't agree with the man-husband's stomach, so he visits the Indian bathroom while man-wife and I got really tickled at our table. It was one of those moments when I just can't contain my laughter (this often happens at the WORST possible times like at church or in an airplane or anywhere else slightly quiet) After lunch, we go to our respective homes and take naps, but not before I mention to them that they could use our mattress for the next few days, since theirs is already packed away. Yeah, gay love is probably being made on our mattress across the street right now. Steve and the man-husband carried our mattress across the street for them to enjoy for the next few days. They were really happy with it. I will not ask questions about the nature of our mattress in their home. Well, I did crack one little joke about it when the husband was not present.

Saturday afternoon: Best friend calls to tell me she will be arriving Saturday night to take full advantage of the beach early on Sunday. I bust out laughing because she has no choice but to sleep in the bed with me and the husband, since the gaybors are using (and probably abusing) our guest bed. HEE HEE! Yeah, we have a couch, but she's allergic to cats and Jackson sits on the couch. I'm no mathematician, but 3 people + 1 king bed = lots of giggles, but a good night's sleep. I'm sure my husband bragged about having two women in his bed at work the next day. Bless his heart! I must say that I have the best husband and best friend in the world! I can't think of many husbands or friends that would tolerate me and my shenanigans, but they sure do!

Sunday: Jenn and I go to the beach pretty early in the morning. We parked in the front row and got prime spots in the sand. We spent a few good hours just looking at magazines and the old man buns on the beach. Our little spot by the jetty had a surfing competition going on, so we had plenty of entertainment. It was 90 degrees, and I didn't last as long as I wanted to. But, Jenn and I both vowed to use sunscreen this summer, and we didn't burn, so it was a successful first trip to the beach!

Monday: The gaybors arrived at 3pm for our cookout/American Idol finale viewing (again)/board game marathon/neighborhood gossip fest. They left about midnight, after 9 (yes, nine) hours of constant laughing, singing and even some dancing. Even the husband had a lot of fun! We played Cranium until we almost wet ourselves. That game is a must for anyone with a sense of humor! Overall, it was a very memorable Memorial Day!

Panty Raid/Manty Raid

I worked on the husband's new manties tonight, but realize that the letters that I got were too big to put "I Love The Pussycat Dolls" so I just made a pair that said "I Love My Wife." I realized that I had an extra heart and plenty of letters to make myself a pair, and it seemed natural to profess my love for Jack Hanna on my panties. The husband liked both pairs. I think he has an idea that there is another pair coming, and his recent confession will be displayed on a pair of his manties very soon. He knows that I'm going through his underwear drawer and each pair will be personalized before long, so I guess that he's come to the conclusion that they might as well say something he likes. I just hope that the 30 and up crowd that he works with has outgrown the phase of depantsing each other. That would be really embarrassing for him!
* A special thanks to Ed, a friend of Jack Hanna's for stopping by to read the blog yesterday. I'm not surprised to hear that Jack is a really nice guy!
* Mrs. Coach - you will be happy to hear that the iron-on letters are really easy and it only took me about five minutes to make both of them! They're really easy! Don't worry if Mr. Coach doesn't jump up and down when you give his first pair of personalized manties to him. After I gave my husband his third or fourth pair, he stopped rolling his eyes. Now, he just smiles, keeps his mouth shut and wears them with pride.



This is the husband showing off his sweet moves at Dance Dance Revolution. Dan is in the background patiently awaiting his turn, while Jennifer is amazed at his ability to hold his beer while dancing like a professional.

Jenn had her turn to show off, too! Of course, she got a bunch of A's, but later that night, I made my first A in dancing, and there were many more that followed. Carrie definitely got her groove back!

Daniel was a first-timer at DDR, so we have to cut him a little slack. He'll be more comfortable on the dance floor next time. :) I was photographer, but I'll make sure there are some pictures of me dancing very soon!!!

Random nothings

I had to work late tonight, so I stopped by and picked up my favorite treat for dinner - fish tacos!!! It sounds weird, but they're awesome! The ones I had tonight have some sort of white fish, cabbage, tomatoes, onions, cilantro and some sort of spicy sauce on them. Yum! The Cheesecake Factory also serves them, but very different. Theirs have whatever kind of fresh fish they have that day, topped with cabbage and mandarin oranges. My favorite fish is the Albacore on theirs. Everyone should try them once! I got the husband some beefy ones. He had one of mine and seemed to really enjoy it. He's not the fish lover that I am, though.

So, we watched American Idol as we had dinner. Out of nowhere, the husband blurted out that he liked the dark-headed girl from the Pussycat Dolls. It was almost Tourette-like. Like he had been holding it in long enough, but he just had to get it out in the open tonight. I just busted out laughing because it's so not like him to say stuff like that. He knows that I have a huge crush on Jack Hanna and Shaun the diver, but he never shares his crushes with me. It is so hilarious! He doesn't know it, but he's getting some (more) personalized manties (man panties) for Valentine's Day this year. One pair will definitely say "I LOVE THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS!" across his butt. He has some that say "I love my wife" and "I love Carrie" and "Property of Carrie" and he actually wears them. It all started when I splashed bleach on his blue briefs a few years ago. I felt bad, so I made it into a heart and wrote "CB" with a Q-Tip dipped in bleach. He thought it was nice, so I (being me) took it to the next level (some may say over the edge) and got some iron-on transfers and printed up all sorts of things and ironed them all over his briefs. I bought some big, black iron-on letters and some embroidered red hearts to do the special Valentine version of his personalized manties. I will post pictures if Blogger will let me.

DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) Update

We dusted off the dance pad over the weekend while our friends were in town. Of course, Jenn had to show off her fancy moves while I did my mediocre version of dancing while pretending to have rhythm. (I wasn't terribly successful) Keep in mind - Jenn was a club girl in college, while I guess I was more of a club sandwich girl or something. I've never been a clubbing-type person. Anyways, after they left, the husband and I kept dancing and I made an "A" for the first time! I get pretty good after a while. We played again last night. Tonight might bring more dancing. I now have to compete with a Pussycat Doll, so I might have to learn some new, sweet moves or something. HEE HEE! (as if!)

It's been a while...

It may seem like I clocked out for a little blog break, and forgot to clock back in. I know. Shame on me! Only two people have even noticed. My favorite Auntie and her coworker, Monica. Thanks, girls! If nobody noticed, I would probably quit for good. Let me sum up the past month:
We had Christmas alone in Virginia Beach. No visit to Missouri/no visitors from Missouri. We mailed our gifts to them and they mailed ours to us. They were great gifts, but I like to be there in person. Our Christmas tree was on its farewell tour, and that was bittersweet. Just for kicks, (partial laziness) we left it glowing until mid-January. I always say that the Christmas spirit hits me right after Christmas, and I think it does. Then, it goes away about the time that we start receiving our tax paperwork in the mail. That's when I go back to thinking that giving is NOT better than receiving, and whoever says giving is better is full of crap! But, I'm sure we'll come out as givers yet again. Maybe they'll receive a check from me that I swiped through my butt crack. Oh, yes! I'm not above this behavior! I have done it once and I'll do it again. Once, we had to pay $2100 to get out of our apartment. We told them two days after the deadline that we were moving (into our first home), and to break the lease, we had to pay 3 months rent. Yikes! First, it was going to be a cat turd (in a separate envelope), but I decided they needed something better. That's when I decided to stick their check where the sun didn't shine (on me). HEE HEE! I hope they opened that envelope and kissed the check! ICK!

Recent funnies

Salute to the Poot

I really meant to post this story immediately after it happened, but I didn't. The husband and I were at Barnes & Noble right before Christmas. The store is pretty busy, and the husband is looking at one of those Magic Eye books describing what he sees on each page. I was really good at those when I was younger, but all I see now is fish-like shapes in about each one. It could be an airplane or hot air balloon, but it always looks like a fish to me. So, I informed him that I had a little gas (he probably rolled his eyes and said "What's new?" but I'm not sure) I asked him if he would be my wingman and cough a couple of times to cover it up. He fake coughed twice pretty loud (he's not a good actor at all - they were totally fake coughs). It went a little something like this...
*COUGH*...*COUGH* (HIM)...*LOUD TOOT* (ME)
So, my toots were on a 2-3 second delay, and we totally missed our mark...uhhh, I missed my mark. By now, the husband's face is BRIGHT red. I told him that he was fired as my wingman, and he said he was glad. I don't think anyone heard, but who knows! The husband said his coughing only brought more attention to the toot and nobody was fooled by it. HEE HEE! I think people were probably drawn to a grown-ass man fake coughing in the middle of the bookstore. I looked at him as if we was the guilty party, just in case someone noticed. This is one of those times when he and I agree that I belong back in the country!

Poopy Picnic (Proper People Prohibited)

The other night, I told the husband that my poo smelled like a rotten picnic (as I was laughing). I couldn't stop laughing, as he looked at me very confused. He told me that he had never heard of a rotten peg leg before and wouldn't know what it smelled like, and wouldn't even guess how I would know what it smelled like. I couldn't stop laughing to tell him what I had really said. Even after I told him "picnic," he wondered why I would compare my poo to a picnic. I guess I think of picnic when I think about the state parks and the poop chutes in their restrooms. It's just a loooooong bucket that everyone's poo and pee goes in. I guess it gets its smell from the variety of poos that go into it. Maybe I had eaten a variety of foods that day, and I had a "miscellaneous" poo smell as opposed to a "certain type of food" poo smell. I don't know.

New Year's Eve

My bestest friend, Jenn, visited for New Year's Eve. We had adult beverages and danced the night away playing my new Dance Dance Revolution SuperNova edition (DDR). The husband also danced with us. He's pretty good! It's so rude that someone would come into my home and play my game and beat me at my own game! Just kidding, Jenn! She's a much better dancer than me! I got this game for Christmas in an effort to lose weight and have fun at the same time. I know that you can't really lose weight by laughing really hard, or I'd be in some sort of anorexic rehab right now, but the silly game makes you sweat like a pig! It's really fun, but I'm getting tired of the same songs all the time! There's probably 20 songs on there now, but you have to "earn" more. That means dancing perfectly on SuperNova fast speed or something. No, thanks. I'm on the beginner level, and I'll probably stay there! The box says "Over 70 Songs" but I have yet to unlock even one additional song. So, I'm stuck with one song each from Kelly Clarkson, David Bowie, Franz Ferdinand and Cyndi Lauper, then a bunch of strange songs. It's a hoot! When we got tired, we sat down and flipped through a bunch of gossip magazines. Ahhhh...now that's my kind of New Year's Eve! We went out on the deck at midnight and tooted (just when you though I had used "poo" and "toot" enough times in one post) our noise makers and watched the fireworks around the area. Most of the neighborhood was gone, so it wasn't too crazy around here.

Jillian's

Last night, we went to Jillian's at Waterside in Norfolk. It's like Chuck E. Cheese for adults. There's food, adult beverages, etc. and all the arcade games you can think of! We always do the funny ones. There's one that you hang on to these two handles and it sends 3,000 watts through your body. It's really just vibrations that are really strong (slightly painful, but not really) The husband and I held on together once, then I did it by myself once. It's so fun! I got all the way to 3,000 watts by myself. My hands were numb afterwards, but it was so worth it! We also did the motorcycle game, where you actually sit on the motorcycle and tilt from side to side as you use the gas and brake. We did similar ones for race cars, jet skis and a bobsledding one, too. It's just a little bucket seat that you sit in, and tilt from side to side as you sled down a hill with snow plows and trees as obstacles. I wanted to do a horse racing one, but it was out of order. I like this Dunk-an-Alien game that's like skee ball, but you are supposed to hit this moving target, and this alien guy falls down and says all of this weird stuff. You earn tickets with that one. Last time, we used our tickets to buy a bunch of crap. The husband got a bunch of plastic paratroopers, I got a rubber duck, an oversized blow-up hammer, Play Doh, and one of those fart cans. It's the slime stuff that you push down in the plastic can, and it makes some nasty sounds. I don't know where it went, though. This time, we gave our tickets to James. He's one of my students, and he turned 21 at midnight. He bought an oversized pen with some of the ticket. It's about the size of a summer sausage (known as "donkey dick" in my family). Sometimes, things that are larger than they should be are really funny! Anyways, we made it until 11:30 or so, and left the party. He had been drinking all night, so midnight wasn't really going to be a big deal. He was planning on riding the mechanical bull at the bar, though. I wish we could have been there for that. HEE HEE!

Well, I'm sure I'll think of lots of stuff that has happened over the past month and post it later, but I think this gives me a good start to get people's attention and to get my two (three on a good day) readers back to reading on a regular basis. :)

Clarification:

As I was looking at new vehicles online tonight, I made the decision that I wanted "bun warmers" in the seats. I have not discussed this luxury with the husband, but since he's been in NY for the past couple of days without sleep, then I'm not to worried about what he thinks of it right now. He is the one that went to *look* at the dealership for trucks a few years ago and drove one home (which I totaled less than a year later). I have a similar approach when I go *look* at clothes and shoes. Looking often means bringing home.
So, I know that Chevrolet doesn't call them "bun warmers" but I couldn't find that particular option under any name. Then, I noticed "rear defroster." Before I made a complete ass of myself by demanding my new vehicle have a rear defroster, I called the parents to see what the feature I really wanted was called. It's a heated seat, if anyone wanted to know. My bestest friend Jenn calls them bun warmers, so I do too. Her Beatle has them and I'm very jealous as the temperatures drop!

Jenn also calls male's parts their "twig and berries" while I call them the "frank and beans." I have recently merged the two, and call the boy's things "frank-n-berries."